Dear Nicole,
As the adult version of yourself, I want to first tell you how proud I am of the person that we have become. You will have raised the most handsome, strong minded, caring and compassionate boys that will grow up to be highly functional adults in the world. They are happy, spoiled and truly want for nothing. You finally found the great love of you life that is your anchor. Your entire life you have stuck to your morals, work ethic and you are educated. It shouldn’t surprise you to know that when you walked across the stage for your undergrad, your son who was 5 years old stood there to greet you. You have gotten a master's degree all by yourself - with two babies and a full time job. Never did you play the “poor single mother card” because you made the choices you did and landed you single. Rest assured you worked extremely hard for your education and with it you have made a difference in the lives of children for almost a decade now.
However, one vital thing I will tell you is: no matter how hard you try, people just won’t like you. You are living your high school years worrying about what lies and rumors others say about you. Years of your life are being spent trying to justify your words, your choices and your feelings in attempts to defend your reputation. High school does not define you - and the stupidity of others is not something you can fix. It still applies today as an adult. It doesn’t matter what you do, the job you have, how much money you make, how happy you are, the house you live in - someone is going to be jealous and hating your life from a distance. People will still stab you in the back and take advantage of your kindness. So enjoy life - do what you want - date who you want and live how you want. Your plan is to leave Houston for Dallas and guess what - you left like you always wanted. So those who bash your character and lie about you don’t really matter. The friends you make that are with you still today, despite distance are the ones who took the time to see who you were and what made you tick. Your friend Erica will tell you one day as y'all eat lunch “You are only as good as the 5 people you surround yourself with.” It’s very true. Don’t loose them.
My second bit of advice is don’t be scared to live your dreams. It took you a long time to finally let go from what is comfortable and stable to be your own boss. You know how to survive, you know how to work hard and make it work. Trust in yourself that you can do it. Playing it safe all the time is only going to make you hard and resentful. I know you wouldn’t believe this, but you actually are your own marketing manager and you are a small business owner. All of this could happen sooner if you just let go of the fear and follow your heart. Embrace who you are, your style and your life. It's o to be "Extra" as they say now.
Another note is: try not to control the outcome of life and everything around you.Enjoy happiness in the moment - with the great love of your life that you have and the beautiful family that loves you. Everything happens for a reason and put you where you are today. Do not waste the life you have trying to control the results for every decision that you make. Nothing is ever the right choice, and you don’t have a magic 8 ball to tell you if you made the right choice. You will never know, and you can’t go back - so just let life happen. Do not waste so much of your life on trying to predict the outcomes of your choices. You will run yourself ragged trying - so try and ease up as much as possible.
Finally, honey, learn to let go. Not just the negative in the moment, but let go of the past all together. Don’t harbour the negative, hate and hurt. This only kills your spirit and it makes it harder to heal from. Try to hold on to good memories of your life experience and not think about what could’ve have been if you did something different. You are a good person that cares about the lives of others and has empathy - that is a quality you don’t want to lose. Don’t let the negative actions, words or thoughts of others stop you from moving forward. I know it’s hard, but when you have no control over stuff (which you have a problem with) you have to accept that life happens. With your job, you will understand why others behave and act like they do - so you will have an easier time letting go. Don’t miss out on opportunities because you are too busy holding onto things that are insignificant. Things go wrong, so you know what it looks like when things go right.
When you are 43, you get to look in the mirror to love and be proud the person that you see in the reflection. Everything in your life will be from your own choices and decisions. The only person that can stand in your way is yourself.
Love yourself always,
You at 43
